well , 12th october marks the end
of everything . all the dreams and illusions
are g0ne and i guess its time i wake up from
this dream .
yes , its hard to accept the fact . But , what am
i suppose to do ? i can wait for my whole entire life .
so ? will it even touch you a single bit ?
i've been trying to be at my best , hoping i can
make you happy and all . But i guess i'm just not gd
enuf . i've been rejected just by a msg ):
you know ? i so hope i'll be able to be held in yr
arms again . but i know nw its IMPOSSIBLE !
i once thought i'll be able to depend on you .
but , i was wronq . you've proven it . Like , you
ended it w/o giving me a chane to explain and all .
I FEEL TERRIBLE ! you know ? no matter how busy i am ,
i still took time to think abt how you were doing
and how are you . Every sec , my heart just beats for you
alone . i just couldn't imagine the message i read .
12th OCTOBER :
its was a sad day . when pain , sorrow and woes
filled my world .
came home feeling tired and all .
was rather moody
mom came back and said she needed to talk to me .
in PRIVATE ! i was like , okayye ~
she then told me to be serious . i was like , okayye .
then , she began asking :
mom : how much do you like him ?
me : urm , why ask ? a lot , of course . . .
mom : well , i tot you say there are many better guys ?
me : come on luhhs ! that was before i was with him . . .
mom : okayye~he asked me to show you a msg he wanted you to know .
me : okayye
msg went something like this :
i'm s0rry .
our relationship is like kor and mei .
i dun wanna drag on anymore cuz the
more i drag , you'll be more sad .
then , mom's phone just dropped from my hand .
i was lost w/o words .
me : mom , tell me this is a dream .
mom : no , it isnt a dream . its real . .
this is it . i'm damn sick but i stil could tolerate . but , when
i read the msg , i couldnt take it anymore .
That's it man . I feel so tired and all luhhs !
like , i know i'm n0t gd enuf . i'm willing to do anything just
so you'll look in my eyes . but i bet you dint even realise
that . its like , my heart just sank okayye ?
i cried like hell lot . its been two days and i have n0t been
resting , eating and doing well . ):
i've g0t no appetite and mood .
its was pretty much a struggle luhhs .
well , no matter how tied down i am , i promise myself .
i will carry and move on with a heavy heart . If i'm smiling ,
better thank god . cuz its damn hard to be happy right nw .
I HATE THIS FEELING !!! i've been trying so
hard to love you the right way . but , i guess i still fail
to do so ? *sigh* no matter what , i'll wait .
i never regret knowing you . and loving you was more
than what gift GOD could ever bless me with .
thanks for letting me know the meaning of
what LOVE really is . LOVE is patient and kind !
one day , i'll look back and say :
GOD , thanks for giving me this chance to be able
to know and love HIM . though i cant be perfect , i know i've tried .
and , i know i'll never regret cuz , though it has ended ,
memories with HIM will always be rmbered .
i'll never forget them .
TO HIM :
thanks for giving me that chance .
just wanna let you know that i treasure you a lot .
&i never regret admitting that i love you ! i guess this piece o'f
land dint make this tree stay after all . cuz he tree still ran away
though i've admitted i want it to stay . ):
i'm sad , i really am . But , i'll move on , come what may .
this is a promise , the memories and times we shared will always
be kept dear at the bttom of my heart . i'll never forget you & at
least you're still my brother ((:
pormise me you'll be happy .
though i've failed to be the girl who'll touch and love you
the right way , hope that you'll rmb me and that i'll be important
to you still . I'm still waiting for you . . . i've n0t given up .
cuz i still love you like i always do .
i'm really s0rry i cant be perfect and that i dint spend enuf
time with you . but the happy times are more than what i expected .
lets go dinner sometime ((:
and i'll make you eat a lot !!! L0LS .
i'll try force a smile right nw , so you'll know i can move on .
it wont be easy luhhs .
cuz i miss the way you hold me and yr smile just wont leave
my mind . the way you treat , look and smile at me . . its just different
from others . IMY and i so wish i'll be able to get it back .
*SIGH* call me soon alright ?
i'll be waiting . IMY , PIG ! oink so much huh ?
time just see to come and go like that .
it ended too soon ):
but anyw , idk . i'm all so lost w/o you .
no matter what , thanks JAN for yr hug 2day .
ILY , GIRL ! i'll be strong and cheer up soon (:
but there are some things that you wont understand .
i mean , yarhh , i knw myself more than ever and i know
there are things i still keep inside me . anyw , i really thank you
luhhs ! you made me smile even when i dun want to .
TO MY DEAREST& MOST TREASURED BROTHER :
you know ? i've been trying to find an answer to the question i
often ask . which is , 'why is it that you always make me irritated
in a gd way?'i never forget the period of time when i dint conatct you .
you still made the effort to care for me . well , i'm s0rry i was selfish
and i dint think abt how you feel . anyw , many thanks to you .
i really dun know what to do . &when i'm down and stuffs ,
ýou say you're serious . But i still find it funny luhhs . you never
fail to make me laugh as well . thanks for accompanying me and
listening to me for the last few days .
s0rry i gave you so much attitude and aid so many things which
hurt you . but thanks for always being so patient with me . it
must have been hard on you .
anyw , yeahh . thank god i knew you cuz i think w/o you ,
the situation i'm in nw will be much worse luhhs . i promise i'll try to be strong
and carry on . but , i cant say i definitely will . cuz . . he is
someone i treasure a lot . i really cant accept the fact . its like a part
of me is g0ne . well , no matter what , i wnt let you down alright ?
&when will you stop making me laugh ? i cant cry and emo
whenever you're around . its like , i have to hide it all cuz it will
be replaced by laughter . maybe you're funny when you're serious
luhhs . tsk .
s0rr0w and pain fills my heart .
but memories of you and me are still dear to me .
i'll never forget the times we shared .
&no matter what , i thank you for making
me admit that i did love you . i would
have regretted more than ever if i dint admit .
i really wish this ending IS a dream and that
i'll wake up from it soon . this ending is too
sudden and unexpected . you mean a wolrd
to me luhhs ! maybe i dun mean that much to you .
but , being with you was the greatest thing ever !
you'll never be replaced and i'll remeber you .
&all i ever wanted was you .
you're the greatest joy that i had . nw that you've decided to
end it like this w/o letting me explain and all ,'what am i to do ?
i feel so lost .
idk what to do nw .
i just hope you'll come back and IMY .
i miss the times when you hold me in yr arms .
will i ever have another chance ?
&i wonder what i've d0ne .
seiously hope you'll come back to me .
i need you in my life luhhs .
ILOVEYOU . . . like i always do
Labels: and it all ends here . the st0ry of you and me . . .
i'm so gonna miss these memories . Taken only
a few days ago with my face still okayye . I want
it back so badly , i do ! i doubt i'll get it back though .
dun ask me why (T_T)
wishing i'll be able to treasure her just like that .
a dull life , i bear .
Me&sis
